Of Course.....

I use this saying alot. Will you fill my car with gas, will you this, will you that.....I always answer of course. But this post isn't about what I've said. It is about what I learned the other morning.

As previously posted, I have to wait to find out if I get any birthday sex. We've sent some emails back and forth, teasing and playful about my state of denial. In one I wrote that it doesn't mean that I don't want to be teased. And that this prolonged state of denial might lead me to rub up against her. All written in a playful manner.

Yesterday morning we did the "routine." She showers, I get up and head to the living room, check emails, etc and serve her coffee when she joins me and hand over the remote. While we were sitting there she asked me if I could wait till Saturday or did I need some this morning. I told her that I prefer to wait, that the heightened arousal makes me better at providing her service. When she went to get dressed I asked her if I could masturbate "for her" but not oragam. She said yes and while she was putting on her make-up she asked me what she should be doing or saying.

It dawned on me that she was struggling with her role. She said she wanted to participate so to speak but not knowing what to do made her feel inadequate which then leads to less participation. OF COURSE, I thought to myself, she is in experienced in a wife led marriage. She should be, it's her first! She told me that this is essentialy what she had in mind for the living room but wasn't very clear about it.

I told her that I'm a little reluctant to give her ideas because then it doesn't feel quite wife led but in this case, she was asking. I also told her that teased and denied was totally different than ignored and denied. So I told her that she should tell me to either drop my pants and stoke to hardness and frustration or get naked and do the same. (she choose the first). While frustrating myself, I told her that a naked, hard, frustrated husband is appropriate. That this situation is a huge turn on for me and actually is a substitute for intercourse. (she struggles with her libido and it's always been my hope that a wife led marriage and this type of "event" will help her and me find a happy middle ground.)

I think most men need to remember that if they were the ones to initiate a wlm then they have probably read alot about it. We must be patient. We must understand that being more knowledgable about wlm's is probably intimidating to our wives, especially if a couple struggles with sexual incompatibility.

I've learned an awful lot from reading the many great blogs that discuss the evolution of their wife led marriages. I hope that my experiences have helped you.